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My Journey with Anxiety

I still remember when I confronted my first panic attack a few months following my brain injury. The memory jolts me back into my bedroom like it was yesterday, where the beginning of my mental collapse claimed me. I was in a stable, nonchalant state of peace and balance like any normal individual feels when folding over their duvet and blankets before they rock their body into bed late at night a bit drowsy from the day. Only, when I leaned into bed and snatched the covers, an immediate haunting of fright smothered my body inch by inch until it dashed away all peace. Thoughts and feelings too drastic to describe stole my mind into panic. It was a physical and mental anxiety I’d never experienced before, and I crinkled onto my pillow with my hand gripping my chest, too disturbed by my lack to breathe and the wretched thoughts racing through me. Was this real – the tingling tickle along my limbs like a cold, firm hand walking up my skin? Alone in my room, I trembled and shrieked, tearing my eyes back and forth for any sign of someone in my room taunting me, lacking air in my heaving lungs.

In an instant I darted from my bed, stifling immediate broken sobs as I tried to reach for any peace of mind in this wrestle of panic. As my knees shook uncontrollably, I sauntered in horror–still trying to break the pain of my thoughts–to the corner of my bedroom. I curled up against the corner wall so I could feel my back pressing against the molding. Gasping for air, I cried for help as my mom rushed into my bedroom, sweeping by my side to calm me from this terror. My stomach hurled in flips over and over again as I shrieked in fear. With my eyes sealed shut in agonizing visions, I rocked my body back and forth, trying to disperse the crawling feeling tracing up to the curl of my jaw.

“Leave me alone!!” I coughed aloud, pressing my head into the hard wall. My dad spoke to me, but I couldn’t respond, couldn’t even face any direction. My mom reached her hand out to stroke my hair, putting her other hand on my palm, but the trickling feeling of touch made me jolt and cry out in fear. I couldn’t see any figure of faces, except the terrible visions that played on and on in my mind, stealing away my innocence, and tainting my delicate, injured soul. Sweat trickled down my cheek, and so did my tears of fear. I felt so alone.

On this night in the corner of my bedroom, tortured by feelings and images I’d never faced before (and never knew existed), I faced the first psychosis attack of hundreds that would taunt me for the next two years post my TBI. With them came inconsolable anxiety that I’m still practicing to conquer today. Some of these agonizing attacks lasted hours and hours, where I’d scream in the corner of the living room, my parents desperately yearning and trying–but unable–to soothe me, because of my severe pain and fear of being touched, hugged, tickled, held, or approached. The uncomfortable tingle up my body, the sunken momentum of strength in my stomach, my inability to breathe, complete paralysis of my limbs, the torture of feeling my nerves on fire, and the raging pictures in my brain caused me such deregulation and heartbreak, with every feeling of unworthiness, that I more than daily faced thoughts of suicide, yearning to leave the agony my body experienced. My mother stayed beside me daily, but there were times when it was so painful and wracking to see me suffer so, she had to escape my room and sobbingly pray on her knees behind her bathroom door.

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It’s been two years since my first, harrowing attack, and I am still learning how to approach and calm my PTSD & anxiety. However, I have found and gathered tools over 2 years that have provided me with calm and comfort through my recovery. My anti anxiety toolkit continues to serve me wherever I go, and bring me peace and light in my broken moments. With tools including including anxiety putty, aromatherapy oils, handheld crystals, CalmiGo, Loop earplugs, mints, the Calm app, and my weighted blanket, I have been able to access more peace & comfort every anxious day. As a survivor of anxieties, major and small, this is my guide for you to assemble your own calming, anti anxiety kit that will bring you balance and peace in whatever storm of anxiety or mental illness you are facing so you don’t have to struggle in heartache for so long.

Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog post, “A Survivor’s Guide to Assembling an Anti-Anxiety Toolkit,” is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. The content shared here should not be used as a substitute for professional medical treatment, diagnosis, or advice. If you are experiencing anxiety, mental health concerns, suicide ideation, or any other medical condition, please seek guidance from a qualified healthcare professional. Your well-being is important, and personalized care is essential for addressing individual needs.

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How to Assemble an Anti Anxiety ToolKit

Finding the Right Kit

Before diving into the essential items that will fill your toolkit, you need a safe and practical place to keep everything. I’ve discovered in my own experience, that calming tools aren’t much use if you can’t find them when you need them most. Keeping all your tools in one place to have with you in all necessary times of anxiety and uncertainty is vital. Here are a few insightful considerations for choosing the perfect pouch:

• SIZE + PORTABILITY: Ideally, your toolkit should be small enough that you can carry it with you in a bag, backpack, maybe even your jacket pocket. You want to be able to take it with you anywhere—whether you’re at home, at appointments, or out running errands. Perhaps you want multiple to take during all different occasions! My first pouch was a 5×7 zip-up makeup bag, with a design of the Salt Lake City Temple on the front. I could easily tuck it in a tote, hold in in my hand, and often stuff it into my jacket pocket. Look for a small pouch, tote, case, or even a cosmetic bag that can comfortably fit all the items you’ll need without feeling bulky.
• ORGANIZATION: The last thing you want when you’re stressed is to be digging through a cluttered drawer or shaking out the contents of your purse (I confess, this often happened to me!). Choose a container that is unique and easy to find, while keeping it tucked in the same drawer or tote when you aren’t using it. This way, you’ll be able to quickly find it and grab what you need without added stress.
• DURABILITY: Since your toolkit is something you’ll want to carry often, look for a container that has the quality to withstand daily use. I was able to use my first “anxiety zippy bag” for more than a full year. A linen makeup bag, or a small leather case can protect delicate items like essential oils or crystals. I also recommend choosing something subtle—something that doesn’t scream “panic kit” or “mental disaster” in case you need to pull it out in public. A simple, discreet case can make you feel more comfortable when you’re in social settings.
• PERSONAL TOUCH: Your toolkit is personal! The goal is for this item to feel like a comforting companion, something you’re happy and comforted to keep by your side. Use your personal taste to decide on a container with calming colors, patterns, or words that bring you hope.

Anxiety Pouch Options –
1. Vintage Blue Floral Coquette Zipper Pouch
2. Mens Green Leather Canvas Accessory Bag
3. Little Pink Bow Cotton Quilted Drawstring Bag
4. God is Within Her She Will Not Fall Zipper Pouch
5. Stylish Beige/Brown Crossbody Sling Bag
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2. Gathering Your Personal Tools

After finding the right kit or pouch that fits to your personal and mental needs, the next crucial step in building your own anti anxiety kit is to gather your personal tools. Below is a list of tools I include in my own anxiety pouch to help me find solace and comfort in my anxious moments, including items like anxiety putty, aromatherapy oils, handheld crystals, CalmiGo, quieting earplugs, mints, and more. Each of these tools can help you create a personalized toolkit that promotes tranquility when you need it most, stimulating all five senses to ground and balance.

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3. Additional Tools to Consider

In addition to the core tools for calming anxiety, there are several other helpful items you can include in your anti-anxiety kit to further calm your anxiety. Whether it’s through guided meditation with the Calm app, the soothing sensation of a weighted Warmie wrap, valuable stuffed companion, or other calming options, these items can be invaluable in helping you manage anxiety in a personal fitted way for you. Here are a few to consider adding to your collection:

1. CALM – The #1 App for Meditation

The Calm app has been a significant tool to reduce my stress and anxiety. With a free or paid subscription plan, Calm offers countless varieties of guided meditations, soothing white noise, breathing exercises, sleep stories, relaxing music, and positive healing lectures that promote hope and peace through anxiety and grief. Before bed, I often turn on my favorite ocean sleep scape while reading, or fall to sleep listening to a soothing meditation that lifts the weight of my PTSD. Whether you’re trying to manage anxiety, improve sleep, practice gratitude, cultivate healing, or simply find comfort in your healing journey, Calm is a perfect place to start!

Explore the Calm App

2. WEIGHTED WARMIE WRAP or WEIGHTED BLANKET

I use my Warmie wrap over and over again to provide ease when I experience mental fog and anxiety. A weighted warmie wrap is a comforting, optional tool that can be a game-changer in your anti-anxiety kit. Designed to provide gentle pressure and warmth, it helps promote relaxation by mimicking the soothing effects of a calming hug. The weight evenly distributed across the body can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, triggering a sense of safety and calm. Paired with its cozy warmth, it can ease tension in both the body and mind, making it an ideal option when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Whether you’re winding down at home or in need of comfort during a stressful moment, a weighted warmie wrap is a wonderful tool to help you find a sense of peace. A Weighted Blanket is also a remarkable source of comfort at home to sleep, lounge, or cuddle in when you’re feeling anxious. Mine has provided such extended comfort in panic attacks specifically.

This post, “A Survivor’s Guide to Assembling an Anti Anxiety Toolkit” contains affiliate links. Please read my full disclosure policy HERE.

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Conclusion

Dear sweet soul, anxiety does not define who you are, but is a persistent dialogue of your mind that only wants to keep you protected. It causes us to believe we are not okay and don’t have the capacity to handle certain situations. Assembling an anti anxiety toolkit enhances your ability to ground yourself, find comfort in natural remedies, and enhance your ability to stay calm. By carefully selecting tools that work best for you including anxiety putty, aromatherapy oils, handheld crystals, CalmiGo, Loop earplugs, mints, the Calm app, and my weighted blanket or affirmation cards, you can create a personalized toolkit to empower you to feel peace and hope in your life. You matter, and you are powerful! Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, so don’t hesitate to experiment with different methods, tools, and items that benefit you until you find what brings you the most comfort.

I am sending big healing hugs as you find peace in your own anxieties. You are not alone in this. There is always hope!

“Perhaps you feel a long way from the love of God. Maybe there is a chorus of voices of discouragement and darkness that weighs into your thoughts, messages telling you that you are too wounded and confused, too weak and overlooked, too different or disoriented to warrant heavenly love in any real way. If you hear those ideas, then please hear this: those voices are just wrong.

“We can confidently disregard brokenness in any way disqualifying us from heavenly love—every time we sing the hymn that reminds us that our beloved and flawless Saviour chose to be ‘bruised, broken, [and] torn for us’ [“Jesus of Nazareth, Savior and King,” Hymns, no. 181], every time we take broken bread. Surely Jesus removes all shame from the broken.

“Through His brokenness, He became perfect, and He can make us perfect in spite of our brokenness.”

— Elder Karl D. Hirst (Worldwide general conference, Oct. 2024)

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I would love to know how you ground yourself through anxieties. What do you include in your own anti anxiety kit? Comment below with your favorite calming tools, what you use for your personal anti anxiety pouch, and how you find physical & mental comfort as you overcome your own anxieties. If you know of anyone who could use this guide, please feel free to forward this to them!

xo